Sid Lowe was at Estadio Metropolitano and his report is in. Here it is! Thanks for reading this MBM. Nighty night.

That Alvarez double-touch. It’s not the clearest evidence. The slightest of touches with the left foot when he slides in. Perhaps. Who’d be a VAR?

That was a brilliant match from the moment Conor Gallagher lit the touchpaper after 28 seconds. Atlético were the best side during the 90 minutes, even though Vinícius Júnior had the chance to win the match, only to blast his penalty wildly into the stand. Real perhaps edged extra-time, though both teams had their chances. And then the penalty shoot-out, and oh boy, oh my, ooo wee. Julián Alvarez adjudged by VAR to have kicked the ball with both feet, having slipped. Marcos Llorente bothering the underside of the bar. Antonio Rudiger’s terrible penalty squeezing in. Diego Simeone is a picture of bewilderment and impotent anger, the bread having fallen jam-side up for Real Madrid against his side in the Champions League yet again. Another dramatic defeat for Atlético. Another that will take an awfully long time for them to get over. As for Real, they got away with a sub-par performance tonight, and now face Arsenal in the quarters.

… and so Real Madrid found a way. In the Champions League, Real Madrid always find a way.

Oblak was so close to saving that penalty, but he couldn’t do it. Rudiger’s spot-kick sailed at the slo-o-owest speed into the net, bringing with it more heartbreak for Atlético, who can’t catch a break against their city rivals in the biggest competition of all. An irregular kick! You could not script this. Well, you could, but the producers of your film would throw it back in your face. Too absurd!

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PENALTIES: Atléti 2-4 Real. Rüdiger comes up for the win. Before he can get the ball, there’s a scuffle for it between Mbappe and Llorente. Then Rudiger takes … towards the bottom left … and Oblak gets a hand, but can’t stop the ball squirting through his fingers, down and up into the top left. Wow, wow, goodness me almighty. Real do it again!

PENALTIES: Atléti 2-3 Real. Llorente hammers his penalty …. off the underside of the bar! Wow. This has had everything.

PENALTIES: Atléti 2-3 Real. Lucas Vázquez goes to the right. Oblak parries a poorly hit kick. A chance for the hosts to level up now!

PENALTIES: Atléti 2-3 Real. Correa goes left. Courtois gets a hand to it, but can’t stop it. Here, do the home fans know the Alvarez kick has been chalked off? It’s not clear.

PENALTIES: Atléti 1-3 Real. Valverde slips into the bottom right. Oblak guessed correctly, but couldn’t get there.

PENALTIES: Atléti 1-2 Real. Yep! Alvarez’s kick ruled out! He’s been ruled to have touched the ball with both feet. This is astonishing!

PENALTIES: Atléti 2-2 Real. Valverde up … but before it can be taken, there’s a VAR check on Alvarez’s kick! Did he double kick it upon slipping?!

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PENALTIES: Atléti 2-2 Real. Alvarez slips slightly, but roofs it straight down the middle anyway! He looks slightly sheepish … and very relieved!

PENALTIES: Atléti 1-2 Real. Bellingham and Oblak exchange words. Bellingham pauses. Then gives Oblak the eyes and lashes into the bottom right. Another unstoppable one!

PENALTIES: Atléti 1-1 Real. Sørloth, formerly of Crystal Palace, blasts into the bottom right. Courtois went the wrong way, but even if he guessed correctly, he wasn’t stopping that!

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PENALTIES: Atléti 0-1 Real. Mbappé up first. He rolls it into the bottom right, sending Oblak the wrong way. Perfection.

The penalties will take place at the end most favoured by Atleli. Real will go first.

… but Camavinga heads clear. Then the whistle goes. Diego Simeone quietly punches the air in delight. He’s the happier coach. Penalties coming up!

ET 30 min: Alvarez wins a throw deep in Real territory. Azpilicueta prepares to Delap it into the mixer. In it goes …

ET 29 min: Mbappe tries to wriggle clear down the inside-left channel, but there’s no way through. Penalties looming. Either that or absurd drama.

ET 28 min: Sorloth wrestles his way down the left and wins a free kick. Alvarez to swing it into the box. It’s half cleared. Llorente, bombing in, lashes a shot wide right from the edge of the D. It’s a poor shot, but takes an obvious deflection off Fran Garcia. However the corner’s not awarded. Not for the first time during extra time, Atléti are incensed by a corner-related faux pas.

ET 26 min: Should this go to penalties, Vinícius Júnior won’t get the chance to put right his earlier miss. Endrick comes on in his stead.

ET 25 min: Mbappe wins a corner down the right. It’s easily cleared, and when Atléti counter, there’s a scuffle that leads to Llorente being booked, even though his team won the foul. Feelings running high all right.

ET 24 min: Azpilicueta is booked for a late clip on Bellingham. He’s really not happy about it, because while his foul is fully deserving of the punishment, the handball thing is still uppermost in his mind. The referee’s not to be moved.

ET 22 min: Azpilicueta’s pass infield is deliberately batted back by the hand of Bellingham, who is slightly fortunate to escape a booking. The fact the ball was going backwards towards Azpilicueta’s own goal probably influenced the referee’s non-decision.

ET 20 min: … so having said that, Llorente nearly tears clear of Camavinga down the right, only to be denied by a telescopic leg. The Metropolitano is absolutely bubbling.

ET 19 min: Now Lucas Vázquez wins a corner down the right. From it, Rudiger wins a header and nearly tees up Brahim Díaz. The hosts manage to hack clear. Real have moved through the gears and are on top now.

ET 18 min: Lucas Vázquez crosses from the right. Rudiger goes over in the vague environs of Gimenez, but he’s never getting a penalty for that saucy gambit.

ET 17 min: Bellingham slips a pass down the inside-right for Brahim Díaz, who upon entering the box has the chance to shoot. He pauses and looks to have run the ball out for a goal kick, but Real are awarded a corner. Probably a good thing for the space-time continuum that nothing comes from it.

The hosts get the second half of extra time underway. Diego Simeone marches around the dugout like a wild man, waving his arms manically, in the choir-conducting style. Carlo chews some gum.

A see-saw period that teetered on a knife-edge. It’s in the balance!

ET 15 min +2: A free kick for Real just outside the Atléti box, on the right corner. Lucas Vázquez whips it witlessly into the side netting. All of his team-mates, having trotted upfield to load the box, say their piece.

ET 15 min: Bellingham bollocks Vinicius Junior for workrate-related issues. Meanwhile there will be two minutes of additional time.

ET 14 min: Molina crosses from the right. Courtois claims. Real counter through Vinícius Júnior, who dribbles in from the left but finds his cutback intercepted by Alvarez.

ET 12 min: Fran Garcia reaches the byline on the left but the hosts deal with the resulting cross. Real are looking as dangerous as they’ve been all evening right now. Which is not a high bar, but there it is.

ET 11 min: Valverde slips a pass down the inside-left channel for Vinicius, whose mere presence forces Correa to clank the ball out for a needless corner. Correa is fortunate that Lucas Vázquez’s delivery is no good.

ET 10 min: Barrios, deep on the right, sends a long diagonal into the box for Sorloth, who can’t execute his volley properly from the left-hand corner of the six-yard box. Then up the other end, Valverde fizzes a cross through a crowded six-yard box … but it’s only populated by defenders. Nobody in white taking a gamble to make a run.

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ET 8 min: Reinildo can’t continue. He’s replaced by César Azpilicueta, the man who lifted the cup in 2021 for Chelsea.

ET 6 min: Vinícius Júnior romps down the right. He’s brilliantly stopped by Reinildo’s tackle, but the defender’s feeling his own challenge. Cramp. The game stops.

ET 5 min: Incidentally, Correa’s touch to bring down Oblak’s clearance was exquisite. A feathery cushion of a boot, while sprinting at warp speed.

ET 4 min: Brahim Díaz shoots straight at Oblak. Then Llorente crosses for Sorloth, who heads straight at the keeper. If the rest of extra time is going to be like this, we’ll be in for a 1982-World-Cup-style treat.

ET 2 min: Fran Garcia advances down the left but his cross is picked off by Oblak. The hosts counter at speed through Correa, who takes down Oblak’s long punt and races down the right. He crosses low. Sorloth waits to tap home, only for Rudiger to arrive from nowhere and divert the ball behind for a corner, from which nothing comes.

Real Madrid get the first period of extra time underway. “Since you brought up divot stomping,” begins Darren Malloy, “there’s only one thing to say about Vini’s penalty: Big mistake. Big. Huge. If only I looked as good as Julia Roberts in that hat.”

The only goal came after 28 seconds. The action hardly stopped afterwards, though. What an entertaining game. Atlético the better side, yet Real had the chance to snatch it from the penalty spot. Oh Vinícius. To extra time! And maybe penalties!

90 min +4: Llorente has the opportunity to release Sorloth down the left but delays the pass and the resulting offside flag is inevitable.

90 min +3: De Paul can’t continue. He makes way for Nahuel Molina.

90 min +2: De Paul goes down again. More treatment.

90 min +1: There will be four additional minutes. De Paul spends the first of them getting his legs hoisted to relieve the cramp.

90 min: A simple long punt down the right. Correa, freshly on, romps into the box and beats Rudiger to the ball. Rudiger sticks to his left. From the byline, Correa spins and juggles his way back and around the defender, one dink, two dinks, before turning and larruping a vicious shot over the bar from a tight angle. That would have been an outrageous goal.

89 min: A late double change for the hosts. Giuliano Simeone and Antoine Griezmann are replaced by Ángel Correa and Alexander Sørloth.

88 min: Simeone cuts in from the right and looks to be upended by Fran García, but the referee waves play on. The Metropolitano audibly not happy. Meanwhile in other volume news, John Alford reports from Madrid: “It’s suspiciously quiet on the streets but utter bedlam inside residential buildings.”

86 min: Conor Gallagher, whose legend at Atlético was assured after 28 seconds tonight, is replaced by Samuel Lino. He goes off to a great reception. Lino’s first act is to cream a shot goalwards from 25 yards, but it’s straight at Courtois.

84 min: Brahim Díaz and Lenglet come together as the former dances down the right. Brahim Díaz gets the decision. The free kick is swung in and half cleared, then Vazquez runs the ball out for a goal kick. With extra time looming, both teams, like poor Mendy’s hamstrings, are tightening up.